Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Down Low with a Fetus

We went to a movie yesterday. This isn't something we usually do, but we wanted to see this particular movie on the big screen in 3D (it was The Great and Powerful OZ, by the way, and we both liked it a lot - suck on that Rolling Stone movie critic). Also, we've sort of been planning to see more movies before the baby comes, since most of our preferred past times are too physically draining/difficult for me to participate in. **Cue sad music**

Well, it turns out that I will not be seeing many movies on the big screen before the baby comes. In fact, I think I might take a pass all together. Why you ask? Because the sound in the movie theater is just too much. And the baby hates it.

I could tell there were going to be problems from the beginning "Don't Forget Your Popcorn and Turn Off Your Damn Cell Phone" mini-movie. By the time we got through the previews, I was starting to get concerned. The bass, you know, the kind you can feel just as much as you can hear?, would bellow and the baby would start kicking the shit out of me. Seriously, I literally jumped and squeaked on more than one occasion (sorry fellow movie goers).

The movie, though very good, was difficult to sit through and by the time it was over, I literally went to the bathroom and inspected my belly, expecting to find bruises. Spoiler: there were no bruises...that are visible; they are probably on the inside. Then I started worrying about how I traumatized the poor baby. Later that night, I started to worry that the baby had maybe enjoyed the loud, low vibrations, since he was STILL kicking me. Maybe those sounds had jump started a career in breakdancing - it certainly felt like he was practicing his soon-to-be-signature windmill move. For hours. Non-stop.

Either way, I am not going to risk going to another movie during the third trimester. I don't think I have the physical fortitude.


He's allowed to do this once he's out. And we have wrapped the sharp edges of the furniture in styrofoam. Until then, I'm not doing anything to encourage it.

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