In case you were wondering, still no baby, just lots more contractions.
We now have all the things we need, and a good many we do not, for the baby's arrival. We have no real idea when the little guy is coming. We did not get an internal exam last week because the doctor was like, "Eh, false labor, pffff." Not like an internal exam could really tell us when he's coming, but I am curious to know if I'm effacing and dilating and all that. We'll find out on Wednesday. Until then, I've decided to ignore the contractions - since I can't feel them, that's pretty easy to do*.
*I tried to explain to the doctor about not feeling my contractions and how my mom never felt hers and had to be forced to the hospital by my dad (where she arrived at 6-7 cm dilated each time!)...but he kind of ignored that. He did tell me that I should go to the hospital when I'm feeling lots of downward pressure...so, um, okay**.
**Side note: We own a Subaru Forester. We have joked that if the baby is born in the car, we'll give him the second middle name "Forester" to commemorate the experience. You know, so we don't forget.
In the meantime, we are keeping busy prepping for the baby. You'll be happy to know (though not nearly as happy as R) that the car seat has been installed. R has also put together the highchair...something we were going to wait to get because the little guy won't be eating food for 6 months, but this highchair is admittedly awesome and we'll be able to set him up in it to watch us cook dinner, etc. (by etc. I mean, it's high enough that the dogs won't be able to lick him in the face). R has also spent much time mulling over the fancy-ass video monitor we just had to have (he supplied researched and well thought out arguments when he first suggested it...it's like he knows me or something). Additionally, R has checked off many yard-related tasks that must be accomplished before the baby arrives.
I have been happily prepping all the diaper changing areas (one upstairs, one downstairs, and our diaper bag), folding and refolding tiny diapers and basically squealing with delight over innocuous items like fleece butt liners. I have also gone a bit crazy in the yard and can happily report that the several bushes have been deadheaded, plants have been re-potted, a tree has been pruned, and much weeding was accomplished. Just so you know the full story, I was later chastised for this level of activity and sent to the couch to put my feet up. I also got several baskets (yeah for baskets! I don't fully understand my obsession, but who cares, because BASKETS!) and made R screw them to the wall in the nursery. I realize that sounds weird, but I'll post pictures and you will see the genius; the adorable, adorable genius.
Speaking of pictures, I realize I'm behind on posting belly pics. I have them, but I have to download to the computer, and not my work computer but the other laptop, and then I have to go through them, and really? That's time I could be using to refold cloth diapers or scheme on my next cloth diaper purchase.
Also: cloth diapers. I am TOTALLY going to write up a post (Okay, who are we kidding? Probably a lot of posts) about cloth diapers. I spent a lot of time reviewing brands and am anxious to see what works. I also took a chance on some Etsy purchases, and if they are as good as they seem like they will be, I'll pass along those sites - support small business! And also, save money! But first I want to make sure what's working out so I know which diapers are working best for our newborn, which diapers are a pain to care for, and which diapers self-detonate like a James Bond message.
Until next time...um, I'll be contracting I suppose. (I really need some sort of sign off phrase.)
Showing posts with label Parenting Advice. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting Advice. Show all posts
Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, April 29, 2013
Dealing with Parenting Advice (aka Everyone's an Expert)
I have watched a lot of other people's kids. My dad insisted that I start paying for certain unnecessary teenagery things back when I was thirteen. Between those pesky child labor laws and the fact that I lived in Teeny Tiny Middle of Nowhere Montana, there weren't a lot of options. So I started babysitting.
I started small: my little brother's friends, neighbor kids. After a couple years, I was in charge of the children's room during Sunday service at the Methodist church and was the go-to sitter for the preschool (they had parent meetings and I was left with 15-20 four year olds...that's a great training program for either a crisis intervention specialist or a zoo keeper). By the end of high school, I had nannied for two different families over three different summers. Since then, I have babysat off and on, usually as favors to friends and family, and across one summer between getting my PhD and starting my real job because I apparently hate free time.
In summary, I have a lot of experience with kids. I should addend that to specify that I have a lot of experience with kids between 5 months and whatever age you want to use as a cutoff for 'kids.' (When I volunteered with the high school drama team this past fall, there were times I was basically babysitting 17 year olds.) I haven't spent too much time actually keeping a newborn alive, so that should be new and exciting *translation: exhausting and poop covered.*
Of course, this hasn't stopped anyone from giving me parenting advice. I'll be the first to admit, I'm not very good at accepting advice. Or even listening to advice. I put little stock into one person's idiosyncratic experiences, preferring to mix and match and also research. This is why I find listening to parenting advice to be extremely annoying. Sadly, today most parents have had little to no experience with children before having their own (I'm not judging, I've just seen the kind of panic this can lead to once their own arrives). Also, if you corner them, you can get most to admit that they don't really like children, they just like their own children.
Let me take a moment to say that I am not the authority on children. I know I have and will get frustrated, make mistakes, etc., etc., humility, etc. That said, I have been in a position to see how different parenting styles works with some kids, and how that same parenting approach can totally backfire for other kids (usually the first kid's sibling). It's like kids are little people with individual personalities and perspectives and shit. Crazy!
That said, I find most of the advice to be given in a very condescending manner. I know people assume that their experiences are shared by all, I've read that research, but it's ridiculous to think that everyone is approaching becoming a parent from the same place. And, honestly, it's insulting when you assume I've never prepared a bottle, fought an infant over a sleep routine, changed a diaper, or been followed into the bathroom by a toddler. As a sitter, I did get the benefit of going home at the end of the day (except for those two summers when I was a live-in nanny), but I had to handle all the behavioral issues without being able to even raise my voice, because they were never my kids. Yelling at someone else's kids is a no-no, for those of you who haven't been paid to keep other people's children alive.
Also, just because something did or didn't work for you and your child doesn't mean I will have the same experience. Again, there is that whole individuality thing.
But the worst aspect is this: if I choose to do something differently, that isn't passing judgment on you. This has nothing to do with you. This is about me and my family so stop sputtering and getting offended. [I've apparently been holding that one in for a while, sorry.]
Having said all that, in addition to having experience with kids, I have experience with adults, too. And I know that the advice isn't going to stop. I have years and years of advice to look forward to (I am so excited, I just threw up in my mouth). So this is my new strategy: I ask about something very specific that I don't know about or that will never apply to me. That way, the advice-giver can heap advice my way and I don't feel the urge to contradict them by pointing out that research has found the exact opposite to be true, or that I've had to use that same strategy in a dozen different households and it usually backfires. I don't know if this plan will work long-term, but the short-term effects have proven to be very good for my mood.
I started small: my little brother's friends, neighbor kids. After a couple years, I was in charge of the children's room during Sunday service at the Methodist church and was the go-to sitter for the preschool (they had parent meetings and I was left with 15-20 four year olds...that's a great training program for either a crisis intervention specialist or a zoo keeper). By the end of high school, I had nannied for two different families over three different summers. Since then, I have babysat off and on, usually as favors to friends and family, and across one summer between getting my PhD and starting my real job because I apparently hate free time.
In summary, I have a lot of experience with kids. I should addend that to specify that I have a lot of experience with kids between 5 months and whatever age you want to use as a cutoff for 'kids.' (When I volunteered with the high school drama team this past fall, there were times I was basically babysitting 17 year olds.) I haven't spent too much time actually keeping a newborn alive, so that should be new and exciting *translation: exhausting and poop covered.*
Of course, this hasn't stopped anyone from giving me parenting advice. I'll be the first to admit, I'm not very good at accepting advice. Or even listening to advice. I put little stock into one person's idiosyncratic experiences, preferring to mix and match and also research. This is why I find listening to parenting advice to be extremely annoying. Sadly, today most parents have had little to no experience with children before having their own (I'm not judging, I've just seen the kind of panic this can lead to once their own arrives). Also, if you corner them, you can get most to admit that they don't really like children, they just like their own children.
Let me take a moment to say that I am not the authority on children. I know I have and will get frustrated, make mistakes, etc., etc., humility, etc. That said, I have been in a position to see how different parenting styles works with some kids, and how that same parenting approach can totally backfire for other kids (usually the first kid's sibling). It's like kids are little people with individual personalities and perspectives and shit. Crazy!
That said, I find most of the advice to be given in a very condescending manner. I know people assume that their experiences are shared by all, I've read that research, but it's ridiculous to think that everyone is approaching becoming a parent from the same place. And, honestly, it's insulting when you assume I've never prepared a bottle, fought an infant over a sleep routine, changed a diaper, or been followed into the bathroom by a toddler. As a sitter, I did get the benefit of going home at the end of the day (except for those two summers when I was a live-in nanny), but I had to handle all the behavioral issues without being able to even raise my voice, because they were never my kids. Yelling at someone else's kids is a no-no, for those of you who haven't been paid to keep other people's children alive.
Also, just because something did or didn't work for you and your child doesn't mean I will have the same experience. Again, there is that whole individuality thing.
 |
| "Seriously, it worked great for us!" (source) |
But the worst aspect is this: if I choose to do something differently, that isn't passing judgment on you. This has nothing to do with you. This is about me and my family so stop sputtering and getting offended. [I've apparently been holding that one in for a while, sorry.]
Having said all that, in addition to having experience with kids, I have experience with adults, too. And I know that the advice isn't going to stop. I have years and years of advice to look forward to (I am so excited, I just threw up in my mouth). So this is my new strategy: I ask about something very specific that I don't know about or that will never apply to me. That way, the advice-giver can heap advice my way and I don't feel the urge to contradict them by pointing out that research has found the exact opposite to be true, or that I've had to use that same strategy in a dozen different households and it usually backfires. I don't know if this plan will work long-term, but the short-term effects have proven to be very good for my mood.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)