Irony

It's priceless. For the last few days, I have had abdominal pain. The day after posting about my love for beer, I have been put on a restrictive diet = no beer!

Let me back up. The abdominal pain was weird, and, most importantly, not going away. It was centered in my lower right side; I googled symptoms (there were others, but I won't be gross) and Appendicitis came up! And then all these dire warnings about waiting, and ruptures, and infection led me to flee to Urgent Care. Interesting side note: I waited overnight, possibly risking ruptures, because R's insurance didn't kick in until the beginning of the month. Oh, and no we haven't gotten a card from the insurance company, and no they can't give us our individual number. So, yes, we will happily fight it out with the insurance company post-hoc, thank you sir, and may I have another!

Anyway, a urinary test, blood test, and much abdominal poking later and the Dr. announces that I have the flu. (P.S., I have had no flu-like symptoms and am not a moron or a hypochondriac) It's a rare strain of a gastrointestinal virus and the symptoms are primarily pain - localized, crampy, stabby pain. Yay!

Because it's a virus, there is nothing you can do to get rid of it. To ease the symptoms (PAIN), I have been put on a super-restrictive diet of total suckiness. Things I cannot eat: spices, vegetables, meat, cheese, chocolate, most fruit, caffeine, alcohol, things that taste good, anything life sustaining. I'm allowed to eat plain noodles, broth, unbuttered toast, bananas, jello (ew), popsicles, mashed potatoes, rice, tea, chicken noodle soup (I bought Chicken and Rice soup = stickin' it to the man!), and Gatorade. Everyone probably stopped reading because the list of foods I can eat are BORING!

So, for several days I will be quietly salivating to myself. And, of course, it's a holiday weekend. And we have friends coming. And I will be eating my dry piece of toast and dying quietly inside.

On the bright side: it isn't appendicitis and I don't have to have surgery! Oh, and I'm sure to lose weight because I can't eat a damn thing.

Have a beer for me! Cheers!