Friday, February 21, 2014

What's Missing

Look at me, actually posting something twice in less than a 30 day period. I deserve a damn trophy. A trophy that I would give myself. And no one else would notice or have any idea that it had happened unless I placed it on my mantle. If I did that, R could ask where it came from and I would be forced to give some stumbling explanation before sulking in a corner...

Yeah, that seems like a lot of work. I don't even know where to buy a trophy anyway. Also, considering I really need to buy new bras and am way overdue for a haircut, I should just focus on more important matters.

Damn. Now I feel like I shouldn't be wasting time blogging. This random bit of silliness has totally backfired.

ANYWAY, looking at what I've posted in the last eight months, since the Little Guy was born, the subject matter basically falls into one of three categories: 1) adjustment (to having had a c-section, to breastfeeding, etc.), 2) sick sick sick everyone is sick ('nough said), and 3) BLISS, I love my baby and the world is full of sparkly, glitter-covered baby panda bears who frolic with pixies.

I feel like there is one facet of my new life that hasn't been represented. I feel childish saying it, but I want more friends. I mean, yeah, I have friends. I also have very limited time to hang out. But I still want friends. Different friends. Mom friends that have babies.

On occasion, I have attended a very informal mom's group. I get a chance to talk about dirty diapers and feeling ridiculously sad when my baby outgrows his wardrobe*. But there are women with a broad range of experiences there and I'm always trying to be careful not to say anything that's going to hurt or offend anyone. Which is exhausting. I'm not good at that kind of thing. Putting my foot in my mouth is much more my forte. But some people supplement with formula, or use disposable diapers, or feed their baby solids at 4 months, and all these decisions are emotion-packed landmines. Seriously, read any parenting website and you'll soon be buried in "mommy war" vitriol.

*Especially that first one. Boxing that one up and putting it in the garage was pretty painful cause my baby!! How's he growing so fast?

In addition to frantically trying and failing to filter myself while I'm at the mom's group, I'm mentally vetting the other moms, trying to find someone I would want to spend time with. This hypothetical friend does not have to make all the same decisions as me. She doesn't have to cloth diaper or make her own baby food or have exclusively breastfed. She doesn't have to work. It would just be nice if she did do those things. It would be nice to find someone who I can compare diaper brands with or show off the new cute woolie soaker I just bought (OMG, I have the best new woolies - but that's another post. A post that deserves pictures because SQUEE cute sweater butt!) or talk about how I am anti-rice cereal without them feeling judged. And maybe, just maybe, someone who appreciates researching outcomes and basing decisions on facts...I realize that one is a long shot, but a girl can dream.

So, you know, most of the time I'm surrounded by glitter-covered, pixie-loving baby pandas (in the moments when virus-laden bodily fluids aren't spattering my furniture), but sometimes I yearn for something more. A bestie who loves facts and fluffy-butt baby wearing hippy crap. She's out there. I know it. And someday we will lift our skinny vanilla lattes to the sky and unabashedly brag about how much our husbands help us around the house without worrying that we are making any overtired SAHMs want to strangle us. **sigh** Until then...

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