My Saddest Day as a Dog Owner So Far

I don't know how to say this so I'm just going to lay it out there: Odin is going to be put to sleep next Saturday.

For those of you who don't know, Odin in my dog. Our doberman. Our first baby.

He has a leg tumor that's causing him a lot of pain. As is the way of cancer, the bigger it gets the faster it grows. It was just diagnosed a month ago. The vet said these things move fast. I was thinking we had until summer - I don't know where I came up with that but it got lodged in my mind somehow. That we'd have one last spring.

Today I called and scheduled the appointment. He's not even going to make it until spring. I was crying so hard on the phone I could barely make myself understood.

He's a mommy's boy. My boy. He's been right there with me for almost 10 years. My jogging companion, my hiking companion, my work companion, my bathroom companion...just thinking of him gone I envision this Odin-shaped hole following me around from place to place.

I've been taking lots of photos and videos of him and the baby. Since he's always with me, he's always with the baby too. Licking the baby. Letting the baby crawl on him. Laying next to him.

I take videos of the baby giggling as Odin limps around him and think how our Little Guy will have no memory of this dog who was an ever present part of his life. Odin will mean nothing to him.

Odin will never grow to be the crotchety old man I always envisioned. He won't gas us out of the room with old dog farts. He won't develop arthritis.

Because of a lump on his leg, he's got to leave us forever. I stare at that lump and think how unfair it is. He has four legs after all and he's otherwise healthy. But he's too big to be a three legged dog. He's too old to be put through that. Nine and a half is about the average life expectancy of a doberman. We should be happy he made it this long and was healthy for almost all of it. We should be happy that he won't have prolonged suffering.

But it's hard to be happy.

Odin - we've had some good times buddy. Mommy loves you, always.

That Time I Tried to Write About Something Besides Pregnancy

For the last few days, I have been trying to come up with something to write about that did not concern my expanding belly. I tried to keep track of some of the funnier conversations R and I have because some are hilarious. The world deserves that kind of all out belly laugh. You would think hilarious = memorable, but apparently not to me and my hormone soaked brain.

You guys, nothing seems to stick. I frequently find myself starting to ask a question or make a statement only to pause and end with "Never mind, I forget."

Thus, I am comedically useless to you. Sorry. Am failure.

To compensate, I give you cute pictures of Odin and his blanket:

Isn't he adorable??

Until we got Karma, Odin always had a blanket. He would drag it around like Linus from The Peanuts. Then Karma came and she would lay on his blanket while he drug it across the room; inevitably the squabbling was too much and the blanket had to go. But, somehow, this has happened again (and I love it).

Dobermans - What It's Like To Own One

I wanted to write something factual about what's near and dear to me - my dogs. Also, as a researcher, I wanted to share what I learned by scouring websites, reading books, talking to Doberman owners, and my direct experience as a Doberman's person, about the Doberman breed.

The Doberman are commonly regarded as the fifth smartest dog breed in the world, and are one of the best guard dog breeds - rated second only to the bull mastiff. The benefit of the Doberman (also the Rottweiler and German Shepard - both among the top 10 dog breeds for both intelligence and guarding tendencies) is that the breed is smart enough to discriminate between friend and foe. Our dogs (one full Dobie, and one Rott-Dobie mix) accept strangers into our home with their tails wagging. They take their cues from their owners (as long as you've trained your dog and they respect your judgement!) and they want people to visit as long as you want them there. Our dogs won't even bark when someone knocks on the door, as long as we've told them to expect visitors (seriously, SO smart).

Though these breeds can be suspicious by nature, training and early exposure to lots of different situations/people/places/noises often produce well-balanced and very friendly dogs. Our dogs LOVE people. However, when they are out of their territory, on walks for example, they go 'on duty.' They will allow people to touch them, but they remain aloof, watching everything to make sure their owners are safe. Even people that they know and love are largely ignored when they are out of the house. But come in our house and it's a whole different scenario. They just want  NEED love, love, love. It's worth noting that some of these dogs are very aloof with strangers, though I've never met any.

You were gone for almost a minute and we missed you SO much!

Both our dogs are bonded very strongly to our family. However, Odin, our Doberman, especially loves his mommy. If someone is at the house, he'll often stand between them and me - in a friendly way, usually trying to get petted. Most people don't even notice what he's doing. This tendency becomes more apparent if the guest is an unfamiliar man and my husband isn't home. This is not something I trained him to do, he does this instinctively. Dobermans do not need to be trained to be guard dogs, they have been selectively bred to guard their people (and property, though that's secondary) since Louis Doberman began breeding a dog to protect him on his tax collecting rounds in the 19th century.

Our Rotten Dobie keeping tabs on the neighborhood.

Though our dogs are very well trained, they are reluctant to take orders from anyone outside of the family. If someone else gives Odin a command, he will either ignore it or look to me to see if it's mandatory that he listen. Karma, our Rotten Dobie, is much more likely to listen to someone besides my husband and myself because she wants the attention. However, you can't make that dog do anything. You can ask, and she will do it because you ask, but she's very stubborn (this is a Rottie tendency).

Speaking of training, these breeds tend to be 'social climbers,' meaning that they are always jockeying to be top dog. As a responsible owner, you have to be consistent with obedience training and do it regularly. If you stop making them do things, they'll start testing your leadership. These are not breeds for someone who is not committed to obedience (if you think it's mean to give your dog commands these breeds are NOT for you!), and are generally not a good breed for an inexperienced dog owner. Training is not optional for these breeds, it's mandatory. If you are going to have a smart dog with strong, protective tendencies that is as athletic as a Doberman, you need to be able to control it!

However, it's worth mentioning that as working breeds, Dobermans and Rotties love to have a job to do and obedience is a good job to give them. Our dogs love obedience! They love the direct attention and they love to please (the treats don't hurt either). The fact that they are smart breeds means that they learn fast, too, so it's fun for both dog and owner.

In this instance, obedience = drooling while thinking about how cruel mommy is. So very, very cruel.

There are other aspects of the Doberman breed that are a little quirky. First, the Doberman needs its people, all the time. They do not like being left behind - after all, it's their job to protect you. This means that some dobies get separation anxiety. This can make it hard to leave your dog to go on vacation or even leave it alone all day while you are at work.Odin, for example, will sometimes stop eating if I'm away for a few days - talk about a guilt trip!

A typical day: one dog on my lap, the other under foot.

Doberman are super smart dogs. They need to be kept busy. They get bored. They can keep themselves amused (and if you haven't trained them well, you will seriously regret this tendency!) but they'd prefer you interact with them. This is especially true if you are on the phone. Basically, it's like having a toddler forever.

This breed is also super sensitive - emotionally. That's right, Dobermans are big babies. You can easily hurt their feelings, and that means that training needs to be upbeat and focus on rewards, not punishment.

Odin needs love...all the time.

Dobermans tend to be super lovey. They really want to be lapdogs, and will be if you let them. They are often called 'velcro dogs' because they are stuck to their owner's side. I am followed into the bathroom, I am watched while I get dressed, and my foot often becomes a pillow as soon as I stop moving. Guests frequently remark that Odin never takes his eyes off me, and that's the truth. Most of the time he doesn't have that far look, either, because if he's not laying on me he's leaning against me. If you need your space, a Doberman is not for you. A Doberman is always going to be all up in your business.

Odin leaning up against my husband while he does the dishes: a regular occurrence at our house.

Doberman are not quiet dogs. Now, they can be taught to be fairly discriminating barkers. Our dogs learn who are neighbors are and do not bark at them (because of that training we've been talking about). We have also taught them to stop barking if we acknowledge what they are barking at and reassure them that it's not a threat (they will bark initially, though, because it's their job). BUT, it's not the barking I'm referring to. Doberman are talkers. Odin grunts, whines, whistles, woofs, yops, squeaks, grumbles, and has a variety of barks to let us know what he wants. He likes to communicate. He'll let you know if he's happy or unhappy. These are not quiet dogs.

There are other random Doberman tendencies that make this breed unique. Doberman generally don't like water and are not strong swimmers. Even though they have tight lips, many Doberman are messy drinkers. They can be finicky eaters. Doberman are high energy dogs, and it's generally recommended that you have a large, fenced yard so they can get plenty of exercise.

Energy, I has it.

Many people are intimidated or afraid of Dobermans, so even if your dobie is the sweetest, best behaved dog ever, there will be people who are uncomfortable around it; this can lead to complications with neighbors, guests, etc.  Like many guard breeds, most landlords will not rent to someone with a Doberman. Many insurance companies have blacklisted this breed. These are important things to consider before getting a Doberman! It's never easy on a dog to be given away by an owner, but because of this breed's strong emotional bonds with it's family, it can be devastating. Please, don't get a Doberman unless you are committed to keeping it for life.

In conclusion, Doberman are great dogs for the right owners. They require a lot of work, especially in those first four years when they are maturing. They are high maintenance, requiring much more of your attention than most other breeds.

 If you would like additional information on the breed, please check out the following sites [http://www.akc.org/breeds/doberman_pinscher/, http://www.justdogbreeds.com/doberman-pinscher.html, http://www.uniteddobermanclub.com/, http://dpca.org/PublicEd/the-doberman] or contact a reputable Doberman breeder or Doberman Rescue near you.

Good Karma

A while back, I wrote about Odin, our giant doberman and the fan fare he receives everywhere he goes. If I had a dollar for every "he's so big!," I'd have a lot of dollars*.

(See proof of Odin's bigness on the left)

*This is an outright lie. I would have no dollars, because I would have spent them...probably at a coffee kiosk.







I decided to give Karma her fair share of attention. (This is especially funny to me because Karma LOVES her some attention; basically, she is an attention whore.) Karma is a Rottweiler Doberman mix. Or, as I affectionately call her, a Rotten Dobie.

This is Karma after 15 minutes with an 'indestructable' toy; clearly she inherited the Rottie Jaws of Bitie Doom +1.

Karma is a Hurricane Katrina rescue. I tell people this as often as possible, because if there is any way to get more props than having adopted a dog, it's adopting a dog who was orphaned by a natural disaster. I have no shame.

After Hurricane Katrina, the Rescue agencies were flooded with dogs. Scrolling through their websites, we came across a pic of Karma's face and instantly fell in love. BUT, we had to make sure that she would be able to successfully mesh with our little family. This is where I made an egregious mistake. I told this particular Doberman Rescue exactly what I was looking for: a female, around 50 lbs., good with small animals (at the time I had a female ferret that weighed 2 lbs. soaking wet), must be housebroken and spayed.

The conversation went something like this:
Doberman Rescue Person: Yes! What luck! Karma meets all those requirements. Fill out the application and she can be yours ASAP.
Me: And you're sure she's good with small animals?
Doberman Rescue Person: Oh yes, we test all our dogs - wait, look over there! *click*
And then they emailed me an application.


After our application was approved, we arranged to drive several hours to meet the Rescue folks halfway and pick up our new fur baby. Then, there we were, in parking lot, bouncing up and down with excitement as the back of a van was flung open to reveal...a starved Karma. Yes, she was 50 lbs. but only because she had been starved nearly to death before being rescued (today she is a little over 80 lbs!). You could see every vertebrae, every rib. Still, she was sweet and adorable, and we brought her home. I cringed throughout the whole drive, afraid someone would think I had done this to a dog.

When we got her home, the following became apparent: 1) Karma was not housebroken; in fact, it was safe so assume, based on her reaction to things like the answering machine and the computer, that Karma had  never lived inside a house before. 2) Karma believes that anything that is not a dog is edible; this especially included my ferret, who must have stunk like delicious. 3) A week later Karma went into heat (eww!)...so, not spayed. 4) No one had ever trained Karma at all, in any way; she did not even understand that human speech should be attended to.

I do not regret adopting Karma. She is amazing. So sweet, so loving, so willing to please. When she finally understood that sounds coming out of my mouth might mean I wanted something from her, she learned quickly. She learned 'sit' in a day, 'down' in a week, and with the help of Odin, she was completely housebroken in less than two weeks. She'll never be safe to have around cats or even birds (I've seen her snatch birds out of the air!), but she absolutely LOVES children and is so gentle with them. She loves everyone and wants nothing more than a belly rub...or two...or three...or, HEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I STILL LIKE ATTENTION!

Under ordinary circumstances, dog Rescues work tirelessly to match dogs and owners. However, do not tell a Rescue that has been flooded with dogs what you are looking for. Have them tell you about the dog.

It did suck pretty hard when I realized that Karma was not what we thought we were getting. Honestly, with a dog that big, extremely food possessive (man, did that take a lot of work to fix), and with absolutely no prior training, there was a moment where I thought I had made a big mistake. But we all hung in there. She was patient with us and quickly became a part of our family. She has lived up to her name. We got back everything we put in and more.

SO, so patient.

Karma and Odin - Bestest buds.

Geeze, enough about that dog!

I know my last post was about my dog. I KNOW you don't want to hear about it. That's why I haven't posted anything new, but now you're stuck with it. You see, I have once again been bitchslapped by Irony.

Previously, I wrote about loving beer, and then was put on a super-sucky diet of total suckiness by a doctor. THEN, I write about dobermans and Odin gets all cut up. I get it Irony. Sorry if I stole your boyfriend or showed up at that party wearing the same dress as you, or whatever it was. I promise not to do it again. Pinkie swear.

Now, come with me on the magical journey of aging pets. {Swishhhh}*

*You know, that sound effect that represents transitions in movies and sitcoms. Come on people, keep up.

Odin is 7. And, in big dog** years, that's like a gazillion or so. He doesn't know this of course. He runs, plays, and bounces around the house and yard, same as always. But he is starting to get a tiny bit of gray on his muzzle and he has developed fatty tumors on his tummy - my previous vet affectionately called them old dog lumps (when I say affectionately, I mean my knee-jerk reaction was to slap him across his face and tell him to watch his mouth because HE was the old one).

**aka: "Holy sh*t your dog is HUGE;" "Wow, that's a big dog;" and my personal favorite, "Are dobermans supposed to be that big?"

Odin became lumpy overnight. I had starting worrying about how quickly the tumors were growing. But, we were moving, then we were getting settled, and last week I kind of panicked because I hadn't got the tumors looked at (or even found a new vet), which was making me get that sick-to-my-stomach-ignore-it-and-it-will-go-away feeling.

So, I found the dogs a vet, and Odin went to get checked out on Tuesday. The vet had me point out the two tumors that were growing the fastest, aspirated them, and called me later that day to tell me that one of these tumors was bad, as in a mass cell tumor. She wanted to remove it as soon as possible. And, moments later, an appointment had been booked for Odin to go into surgery the next day. Gulp!

The vet had warned me that, to be sure they got it all, she would have to take a "good chunk" around the tumor, in addition to the tumor itself. The growth was maybe 3/4th of an inch. I was expecting a 3-4 inch incision, so I was a bit freaked to see the 7-8 inch row of stitches bulging from my poor puppy's side.

Ridiculous details later, and Odin is fine. He had a small growth on his lower eyelid removed while he was out, so he could see better. And a big chunk of his left side was taken out. He was very whiny, and remains very clingy, but is doing great. Though he smells. And the details include gross things that I will spare you from; things that are best described by words like 'seep' and 'exude.'

You don't know it***, but the vet just called me while I was typing this - to check on Odin. That's nice of her. He really seems to like her. At least, he liked her during the first appointment where she fed him cookies and poked him with needles. He might like her less now.

***An aside: Now you know it.

Anyway: dogs, dogs, dogs. I swear, I'm not quite that focused on them. Though now I'm feeling like Karma is getting left out. I love her just as much, and she has even better surgery stories, and more of them, and thinking of how much money I have thrown down on these dogs makes me feel a bit foolish and a quite a bit more defensive. And, obviously, it is hell on my grammar and sentence structure. So, that's that. I have been working on grant applications, forcing drugs and t-shirts on my doberman (the t-shirt keeps the incision site clean and lick-free), and forcing my doberman-rottweiler to leave the other dog alone, and trying to air out the house as much as possible because healing is a smelly business.

In closing: You win Irony! I will never do it again! Just, please, tell me what IT is!

Doberman People

AKA Ridiculous Oversimplification for Blogging Purposes

There are two types of people in the world. Those who are terrified of Doberman Pinschers* and those who LOVE them. Unfortunately, both camps can be annoying.

*Fun Fact: Pinscher is the German word for terrier. The United States is one of the few places in the world that refers to this breed as the Doberman Pinscher, because Dobermans are not true Pinschers. Also, that means your Miniature Pinscher is a miniature terrier - NOT a Doberman, thank you very much.

People who are afraid:
BUT, first, an aside. Odin is a red Dobie. He's also an enormous 105 lbs. and we didn't crop his ears. So, he looks like this:

Awww.

That means that many people don't recognize that Odin is a Doberman. Among those who don't recognize that he's a Doberman are people in the Afraid Camp.

On several occasions, some random person will walk over, start petting Odin, and we will have the following conversation.

Person: Oh, he's so sweet! And SO well behaved! What a big dog. Is he a Great Dane? (Seriously, people ask me that all the time. I don't get it either.)

Me: No, he's a Doberman.

Person: Snatches back hand and backs away. OhmyGod, I'm terrified of Dobermans!

I have also been forced to hear various stupid, ill-informed stories about the breed that I own and researched extensively (Because I research everything and a dog is big responsibility and you have to be sure that it is exactly what you wanted, and what? You're telling me you don't research every commitment you make?). These people are convinced they are right and are doing you a great service by telling you a bunch of bullpucky. I have gotten much better about not rolling my eyes, though it's always hard to resist shaking them.

Made up facts by random people: 1) A Doberman's brain never stops growing and it gets too big for it's skull and the dog goes CRAZY and destroys Manhattan; 2) Doberman are like sharks, and they grow rows and rows of teeth; 3) You can never trust a Doberman and if you make it mad it will smother you with a pillow in your sleep; 4) Once you have a Doberman you can never invite people over to your house, EVER; 5) It's so smart it will resent you training it and will attack you.

People in the Afraid Camp like telling me these stories while eying Odin suspiciously; all the while Odin leans up against my leg and yawns loudly.

People who LOVE the breed:

At least these people don't tell me crazy made up facts that they heard from this one guy who had it on good authority from this other guy that was someone's sister's cousin from high school.

Instead, this camp is made up of Bad Asses and Gushers.

Bad Asses:

They are all about the TV stereotype of the Dobie. You know, the stereotype perpetuated by Hollywood because these dogs are so easy to train, intelligent, and athletic. Yes, you can get a Dobie to jump over a car and chase some guy off set. And the dog is going to look fast, and sleek, and those teeth are going to gleam! What the camera isn't showing is that the Dobie catches the guy by running in front of him, play bowing, and then licking his face.

The Bad Assess ignore the fact that Dobermans have been bred, at least in the last 40 years, to be pets. These people want the ears cropped so the dog looks scary. They may even be the assholes that taunt their dog or train it to be overprotective, making it legitimately dangerous. These are the people who loudly tell me how I shouldn't have neutered my dog.

These people give Dobies a bad name. If you see one of these guys, kick 'em in the shins!

Gushers:

Gushers are the true aficionados of the breed. They get it. They know that Dobies are the only dog bred to be a personal guard dog. They know that this makes the breed awesome! That Dobies want to be with you always! That they are wicked smart, and if properly socialized, they are only a danger to knife-wielding psychos. Yes, the Gushers know that!

Which is awesome, if you want to hear every detail of every Dobie they've ever owned, saw, or heard about. You see, Dobies are a lot like having a toddler. Forever. They are smart. Smart enough to get bored. You have to teach them appropriate behavior, they are going to test you and you have to be firm, and then they are going to test you again just to be sure. They want to be with you. Always. With you in the bathroom, with you in the car, with you when you're doing the dishes, with you with you with you!! They want to be entertained. They really want to communicate, but they don't have a larynx and that is super frustrating. So they moan, groan, sigh, whine, woof, sneeze, yawn, whine, grumble, whine, and make this ywnwownmmnn noise.

Basically, a Dobie is almost a person, and the Gushers love them for that. They want to communicate that love to another Dobie lover. They want to tell you all the funny stories. They want to share their hatred of the Bad Asses. They NEED to TALK and TALK. Even if you are out on a walk and your dog is beginning to wind its leash around you in a desperate bid to get your attention. And the Gusher sees this and starts in, all "MY dog does that too!"

Gushers are the people that stop us mid-walk and talk for 15 minutes about all the stuff we already know. It's like, "enough about dobermans already!"

So, anyway, I wanted to share this really funny story about Odin. You see, he used to have this blanket that he carried around like Linus from The Peanuts...