I SO Shouldn't Be Writing This

Okay, Internet, this is a secret. I'm seriously. Tell no one.

I took a pregnancy test this morning and it says we are having a baby! Shhhh *looks around furtively*, remember it's a secret. Jump up and down as quietly as possible.

Our plan is not to tell anyone until the end of the first trimester. That didn't seem like very long - it's already 1/3 of the way over and I just found out about it - but now that it's real I want to tell everyone. Except for that part of me that remembers consoling two different friends when they had miscarriages and how people kept asking them about the baby for months and months and they would have to disclose all that pain and disappointment again and again and AHHH! Tell no one! Swear to me that this secret stays between you, me, my husband, and the two billion people with Internet access. Swear!

For now, the plan is to take the other two pregnancy tests and then make an appointment with my doctor. Reread all the stuff about pregnancy, healthy eating, and exercise. Then keep making my husband touch my belly and giggling like crazy.

I think I can do it.

My Man Loves Babies

Hello again Internet.

First and foremost, I would like to humbly apologize for the lame-ity of my previous post. I'll stop there because if I start critiquing my other posts this will devolve into mumbled "I'm so sorrys" and "I guess it wasn't as funny as I thoughts" and soon I'm hiding under my desk crying.

That said, I'm still tired. I have fallen asleep 3 out of the past 4 afternoons. R is "secretly" sure it's a sign that all that bedroom friskiness paid off and I'm pregnant, but neither of us will actually come out and say that because it would be so damn disappointing if I wasn't. The fact that my boobs are throbbing orbs of stabby pain now makes my husband smile...because he SO wants a baby and not because he's into that whole sadism thing.

But rather than talk about the Possible Baby (Potential Baby has now being classified as Possible Baby!), or the varying levels of uncomfortable I'm carrying around in my bra, let's talk about R's fascination with babies.

My husband LOVES him some baby. When we are in public, I can tell immediately if he is looking at a baby from the big, sloppy grin that splits across his face. A grin that radiates love and oxytocin. My husband is the guy parents dream of sitting next to on a plane. He will not panic when he sees that your infant is going to be sitting right next to him; instead, he will beam! He will offer to hold your baby so you can  get your seat belt on or sip from the tiny cup of juice the stewardess is offering you. He will shrug when you try to apologize for your baby screaming loud enough to break eardrums and will simply say, "babies cry."

He teaches college and I'm pretty sure that the students who bring babies or toddlers to class get bonus points. Extra bonus points if they have to go to the bathroom and pop into my husband's office and ask him to watch their little one for a minute. I kid you not*. R will come home with that same dopey grin on his face and brag to me if he got to hold someones baby.

*Okay, I kid. My husband does not participate in fraudulent or unethical behavior just so he can hold/play with babies. That he admits to anyway.

This is not a new phenomenon. R has been baby-smitten since we got serious, umpteen million years ago. He's so over the top about babies that it was a running joke for me to push him away from them because they are contagious. This happened so often (because he naturally gravitates to them) that several of our friends were under the impression I never wanted kids, rather than, you know, not wanting them when I was in grad school and barely had time to eat food. Now that we are actually trying to have a baby of our own, my husband often comes up behind me and rubs my belly and tells me to give him a baby, or he sees a baby at a restaurant and croons, "Oh, I want a baby."

When I remind him that babies poop, cry, wake up early, don't sleep through the night, and projectile vomit, he just smiles wistfully. When I tell him that he's going to have to sooth cranky babies in the middle of the night (R is practically addicted to sleep), he just grins and tells me he wants a baby. If I ever had any doubts that I wanted to breed with this man, these reactions would have convinced me to toss away the birth control.

Seriously, could he be any more adorable?? I think yes. I think he's going to be head-over-heels for our baby, once we finally have one. And, in my humble opinion, he's going to make 'daddy' a sexy position!

A Life Update

So, our long anticipated Labor Day Reunion happened. Five friends from all over the country (read three states) came to our house, bringing a total of two children with them, and awesomeness was had. All the preparations we had made for the visit paid off, and, thankfully, all the things I didn't get done went unnoticed. Honestly, I kept them too drunk and sleep deprived for them to take note that the bathroom rug hadn't been vacuumed and I never did iron the curtains after we bought them and they all have square-shaped creases. Not like I'm one of those neurotic people who would notice that or anything.*

*If you invite me to your house and have never ironed your curtains I will notice. But I promise not to let you know that I noticed.

We had a great time. Good friends, no matter how long it's been since you've seen each other, seamlessly fall back into those old roles. We poked fun at one another and giggled at the barrage of sexual innuendo like we were all in junior high...even though we met each other in our twenties. We're all super immature when it comes to hearing the word butt or boobie.

I got to quiz my two female friends about their babies, pregnancies, and post-pregnancy sex lives. In exchange, they joyfully filled me in on the trials and tribulations of breastfeeding and using cloth diapers. One of their babies was in that super-cute babbling stage and we all enjoyed passing him around and letting him try to rip our faces off with the tiny razors he passes off as fingernails. The other kid is a toddler who is, very likely, a genius. He's not even two and he can count to 10, say his ABCs, and perfectly pronounce words like "excavator" and "succulent." In my mind, this sets the bar crazy high and I now plan to teach our Potential Baby to  recite the periodic table by the time he/she walks...not that I want to start any baby competitions with my bestest friends or anything.

Speaking of Potential Baby, that plan is still on. And by on I mean on, wink wink nudge nudge. We are frantically (that's right) trying to get me impregnated. THAT has led to a complete lack of alcohol and an extreme trimming of my caffeine consumption, which just happens to coincide perfectly with our annual fall sleeping schedule adjustment. So now, my coffee has been replaced by steamed milk which does little to nothing for me at 5:30 in the morning.

...I know that this was going to tie in somehow with something or other, and it was going to be interesting. I swear. But that whole 5:30 in the morning without caffeine thing. Yeah.

So, until next time [insert witty catch phrase here - I'm too tired to think of one]!

I Got My VaJayJay Working

As you might be able to tell from the title, this is not a post for everyone. In fact, you should probably turn back now. 

You may (or may not) recall that due to 10 years of birth control, my lady parts forgot how to do their thing. As in, just when R and I decide that now is the time to procreate, my body was all ovulate? The fuck you sayin'? And I promptly stopped having my period. It was kind of like my ovaries broke up with me.*

*Full disclosure: After tossing away my birth control, I had my period for three months, like clockwork. Then, literally the month that we were going to start trying, my ovaries flipped me off and shut down, causing mass confusion. This led to much blood drawing and testing for a bajillion other possible problems because it was not a typical case of amenorrhea. My ovaries are spiteful bitches.

My body was forced through the monthly (read: once every three months) process with hormones. It was super awesome...if you really like acne, and  painfully swollen boobs and weight gain, because who doesn't want that?? 

However, after 9 months of this kind of shenanigans, I finally had my period. I've never been so happy to be cramping and using tampons.

Joking aside, if "it" hadn't happened this month my doctor was going to suggest I get on clomid. That's a fertility drug with side effects very similar to what I've been experiencing while on my hefty quarterly dose of hormones, with the added bonus of increasing your chance of dropping multiple eggs, leading to multiple babies. And of course, multiple babies come with a whole host of increased risks and stress and I'm just happy that clomid looks like it's off the table for now.

So internet, it looks like the plan for Potential Baby is back on. Feel free to assume that any internet silence on my end is due to frantic bedroom activity.