Making a Baby: Weeks 35 through 38

Apparently the best way to get your readership up is to talk about your imminent baby and then disappear from the Internet. Haha! You have all been had. I'm not even having a baby. This has all been an elaborate hoax including photographic evidence of an increasingly scary/huge belly and a false double chin. (If you believe that, you deserve to be lied to.)

Okay, so I haven't written in a while because I've been staying away from my computer. I started maternity leave earlier than expected due to a colleague's personal problems, which would be great if I still had lots to do to get ready for the little guy's arrival. But I don't. And the long list of Things That Must Get Done is completed (bath dogs, paint stars on nursery ceiling, build furniture [no, not a metaphor or exaggeration], get the garden planted, prune trees, etc.). R keeps ordering me to the couch, where I sit for .05 sec until I've decided that the front room must be re-dusted, or that I should hand wash some dresses I won't be able to wear for another 3-4 months, or I notice that there are spots on the master bathroom mirror (and by notice I mean imagine, because I was sitting on the couch, remember?). Basically I'm failing at the rest/relax/put your feet up thing. But I'm TOTALLY winning at nesting. So there.

Also, I've been alternating between my sweet self and my crabby alter ego because baby get OUT! And R keeps muttering some nonsense trying to remind me that we haven't even hit his due date yet. But I'm swollen (if you comment that I'm swollen because I'm not staying off my feet I swear I will jump through this screen and strangle you with my sausage-like fingers), and I'm having a gazillion contractions, and my family members are calling me every day to ask about progress. Also, my mom has graciously made this about her, because she is tired of waiting, and she things things are taking too long, and she is lucky that I'm too bowling-ballish to successfully slip into her apartment and kill her in her sleep.

So tra-la-la. End of pregnancy is so glorious and wonderful.

On the bright side, I am dilating and effacing more - so sayeth the doctor yesterday. I am having tons of contractions and am officially in prelabor. Which means a baby will be coming...eventually. It could be today or next week or by the time I'm 90. Whenever.

With that tidbit of grumpy over sharing, I present to you, 4 weeks worth of belly pictures:

Week 35

Week 36

Week 37

Week 38

Oh, and fun fact. I have been reassured by not one but three different doctors that we don't have to worry about the baby being small. Because that's obviously reassuring. Though looking at these pictures does lend support to their statement. 

Dang! There's a baby in there!