A Movin' and A Shakin' and A Coughin' and A Wheezin'

I just read my last post. Mmmhmrph. Hrmph. Ha. Ha hahahahaha! BWAHAHAHhahahahah!

Past self, you so silly.

Since that post SO much has happened. Let's recap, shall we?

I caught the baby's cold and it was horrible.* I shudder to think how he felt because I was all achy throat and throbbing head and painful joints. And snot. LOTS of snot.

*But wait, you ask, didn't you say you'd already gotten a cold this season? Twice in fact? I did. Fuck you very much for asking. Moving on.

Lo and behold, it got worse. The baby did, in fact, NOT have a cold. He had croup. My poor sick baby.

And then R caught it and we spent a miserable day on the couch. Except for the baby, who ironically was super chill and happy because we finally figured out how to get him to sleep. So he's been taking regular naps, and extra naps, and sleeping for hours at a time.** One baby-related challenge met (for now).

**Except the night the pediatrician had us give him prednisone, which has the unfortunate side effects of increased hunger and trouble sleeping. That was a super awesome night.

The Little Guy continues to be a snotty mess, is sometimes a bit clingy, but is mostly a smiley drool covered mess.

Oh, and  by the by, his first tooth broke through today. And the second one is a white line under the skin and will probably be through by tomorrow. So lah dee dah. My baby is gearing up for feats of carnivorism. Or, if I'm very unlucky, cannibalism.

Finally, he learned to roll over about a week and a half ago. He is now practicing to be the world's youngest paratrooper, ready to roll off any shoulder or lap at a moments notice. Trust me, I'm seriously considering getting him a tiny parachute. He also super enjoys his new found ability to say "screw you" to tummy time. Which is ironic, since he loves tummy time now that he has mastered his head. But roll him over and there's a 50/50 chance he just keeps on rolling. The rest of the time he attempts to claw forward, ineffectively kicking and squirming, because taking a moment to bask in ones ability to keep ones head at a level 90 degrees off the floor is for slackers.

Call this whatever you want

I realize that I haven't been posting as often. **stares blankly into the distance for unknown length of time**

You see, how do I say this...I haven't been sleeping. **more serious staring** **notes it's raining outside**

Maybe I mentioned this already? Uh, I'm not sure. I can't seem to remember. I can't remember because, and I want you to pay special attention to this next part, I have NOT been sleeping lately.

The Little Guy got a cold. I don't remember how long ago. A long time. Maybe back when there were dinosaurs. I vaguely remember that he used to sleep. But the f*#$ing cold moved into his sinuses and took up residence. Otherwise he's fine except for one minor detail: he can't breath through his nose.

Funny to think that you have to learn to breath through your mouth. Before having a baby I always assumed you had to learn to breath through your nose. That was based solely on the high number of mouth breathers I've encountered through the years and not on actual facts/thoughts/something else probably but I don't remember.

Anyway, the baby can't sleep lying down. For over a week now. We have to let him sleep in his little rumble seat thingy, which I'm sure it expressly says not to do, but f-you instructions we have to sleep sometime. It has a harness. We buckle him in. It's fine.

I mean, yeah, it's a huge parenting failure because our baby will probably never want to sleep in his crib or pack and play ever, ever again, but you know, it's fine. It's the only way I can get more than 45 minutes of sleep in a row, so it's fine.

He's been spending a lot of time in the steamy bathroom. Also we have a humidifier going all the time, and if you leave the room it's running in and walk back in you feel like there might be dinosaurs lurking in the mist under tables and behind the piles of laundry.

So, we had gotten used to the no sleep. Well, we had succumbed to a kind of numb stupor of acceptance anyway. BUT THEN, haha, this next bit is funny, he started teething. Oh yes. Funny isn't it!?! He's all of 4 freaking months old and now my nipple is a chew toy and he's running a mild fever and he's not happy right around dark-thirty. We used to call that bedtime, but that's a misnomer these days. Gotta move with the times, my man. Or woman. Or whoever.

....wait...what were we talking about? Oh yeah, the fuckfestival that's happening to my poor baby's head.

And let me tell you, during the day he's still mostly happy, plus he's super adorable and I love him to death. But at night it's dark and he's just this grasping, pinching, biting, screaming black hole of hunger that occasionally coos or babbles in his sleep - just often enough to remind us of his cuteness so we don't abandon him to his crappy attitude, swollen gums, and snuffles.

So, you see, there was a reason I stopped posting for a while. Let's hope everything returns to "normal" soon. By normal I mean some sort of daily rhythm that involves sleeping for several hours at a time. Please let it be soon.

A bit awkward

I am pretty sure my post Preggo Love, which is about my hubby loving my belly when I was pregnant, and is as innocent as a post can be when it ultimately centers around pregnancy (you know, since the underlying cause isn't very innocent), was found by someone searching for pregnancy porn.  Now I feel a little dirty. But only a little. Mostly I LOL'd about how disappointed someone was for the 2.5 sec they looked at my blog before getting back to their Google search.

Thanks Keyword Search Term info for lightening the mood.

That's all. Back to your regularly scheduled programming.